The Rose has Lost its Bloom.

What's a girl to do when her latest crush is like a roller coaster of emotions? The most recent specimen who caught my eye did so on a purely physical level in the beginning when I was craving fresh, erotic imagery. The chemistry, I thought, was amazing and mutually felt. As this man was also a coworker, and neither of us particularly enjoy nosey people in our personal business, we both decided to keep things on the down low. We shared stolen glances, inside jokes, and undercover flirtation for months. Finally, we found ourselves riding solo in the elevator and shared our first kiss.

Fast forward a few weeks... we have spent a few blocks of time togteher away from work getting to know one another. It morphed from this being purely sexual attraction to the desire to dig deeper and see who he really is, to the point I am at now, which is plain old confused. "B" has made several comments that do not sit well with me regarding race and how it holds some people back and progresses others to move forward. Although I am not a racial person by nature, I have struggled and overcome my own issues with stereotyping being a plus sized woman. I despise it when individuals use their ethnic geneology as an excuse as to why they are not in a better place. I feel we all have obstacles to overcome. For some it is prejudice against skin color, others against age, weight, or even gender.

Back the the issue on the table... Does a girl follow her intial instinct and hope it does not conclude as another relationship ending with a pile of unfulfilled promises? Does she adhere to these early warning signs and cut her losses? Does she truncate it to simply a casual physical encounter? Or does she start smelling different gardens because this rose has started to wilt?

"T" Minus 72 Hours

In the wake of a much needed mini vacation, I am now officially counting down the hours until my departure. I purchased a new suitcase today (Brown faux-aligator Adrienne Vittadini, on clearance...) and have started filling it with outfits, toiletries, and travel necessities. Three more days and I will be Seattle bound. Here's to safe travels....

Happy Thanksgiving Eve 2011

It's already gobble time! Where has 2011 gone, anyway? Well, I have to be honest, so far 2011 has had it's fair share of financial hardship, love heartache, health concerns, and future uncertainty. But through all the struggles, I have been blessed with friends, family and two wonderful offspring who have supported me. In this line of thinking, I offer the following tributes of thanks.

* I give thanks for my job, the stability it offers and the medical benefits it provides to get better body mileage, despite the rough start.
* I give thanks for my children who continue to suprise me with acts of kindness, appreciation and maturity. 
* I give thanks for my family circle who have always been there for me. Even during the times when the truth was hard to swallow, they told me the real deal and offered words of wisdom.
* I give thanks for having the most awesome friends imaginable. No matter what idiotic things I do, lapses in judgment, dumb words that come out of my mouth, or crisis I find myself in, I can count on a handful of  people to say the right thing to make me feel better.
* I give thanks for the tears shed, the laughter that followed and all the lessons in between.
* I give thanks for memories that will remain in my heart of loved ones who have passed this year and wish for them no more pain or hurt.
* I give thanks to a higher power can be felt in my heart every morning. No matter what stresses I know I will be facing that day, I know I will get through it with the power of prayer.

In closing, I wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving. Be safe, enjoy the loved ones around you and cherish the simplicity of laughter and love in your world. God Bless.

Officially checked OUT of the Backsliders' Club

The first 2 weeks on my fitness journey began with a huge gust of motivational wind, daily anticipation of the next go-round and aiming to improve number of reps, weight on machines, and time/speed on the treadmill.  Unfortunately as fast as the wind moved in, it moved right back out. I had one very busy week of post-work appointments causing me to skip my workouts several days in a row. Then came a bout of depression for a few days with some not-so-good test results after my physical. Although serious, it is nothing some further medical management and prescription therapy can't cure. The silver lining? I now have health benefits through my employer and am back on the road to improved health. To solidify this fact, I started going back to the gym today, with a 15 year old support partner next to me. (My daughter joined me on this Sunday morning workout.) Looking forward to getting my hind quarter back in shape and bringing those deficeit levels back up to par. For my upcoming trip I made the conscience effort to "CHUZE" a hotel with an on-site gym. Now THAT is dedication. =)

Please Excuse the Repetition...

I realize the last few posts have been all about the gym and how I have made some major changes in my life. I apologize for the monotony, however, I am just so psyched to be taking such a determined approach to improving my lifestyle that I can't seem to stop talking about it. Well, at least on the blog. I try my hardest to not drone on and on to my friends and family about it.

This weekend I had an epiphany. I had to go to Kaiser for pre-physical lab work after a 12 hour fast. Upon arrival I realized not only did I use the stairs instead of the elevator, but I also chose the farthest parking spot instead of the closest. Small steps leading to giant leaps.

Rage Against The Machine(s)

Today started out as a normal work day filled with phone calls, emails, contracts, proposals and managing a crew short staffed because yet again, someone didn't come in to work. Towards the end of the day I had a rather irritating interaction with one of the crew guys and basically, to excuse my French, he pissed me the hell off. Instead of hollering about it, I simply informed my boss and decided "screw him and his disrespect." At 5:00 on the dot I clocked out and by 5:15 my workout pal and I were in full treadmill sweat at the gym. All the irritability in my head was worked out by putting the focus on something better.

We had a great workout and even tried a few of the weight machines out. It is a bit intimidating to be surrounded by all these toned and shaped people who know exactly how to use every station and look good doing it. I feel like my girth needs its own zip code for all the space I take up in my 3X t-shirt. However, I take comfort in knowing I am being proactive and taking charge of my health with exercise and eating right. I took a photo of myself on day 1 and hope to be able to post an updated picture in 30 days that shows some sort of visable progress. Until then, I will continue to dissipate my daily stress out there, one stair step at a time.

A New Me...

I have to admit it.... I have really let myself go. I got lazy and stopped exercising. I started eating way too much junk food. I imbibed in entirely too much booze. I fell into a bad depression during so many months of umemployment and unsuccessful job searching endeavors. I turned to all the wrong things to make myself feel better. A temporary fix, at best.

Well, times are a-changin, folks. I am comfortable in my new job and learning so much everyday I feel like my brain cells are rebuilding themselves. At long last, I have a steady paycheck, health benefits, and my kids and I are a united front, working together and following our dreams. I finally have things back together and I can focus on the bigger picture. This includes finishing my degree and getting back in good physical shape. I started today with the purchase of healthy provisions and tomorrow after work I am going to a gym and signing up with my gal pal who also wants to improve her health. Next week I am schuled for a full physical and I plan on discussing weight management with my new physician. So to fast food, late meals, and over indulging, I bid adiou.

So, stay tuned, and pray for me to stay motivated and on the right track.

What Men and Women Pray For!!!!

Woman's Prayer:

Lord, before I lay me down to sleep
... I pray for a man, who's not a creep;
One who's handsome, smart and strong,
One who's willy is thick and long.

One who thinks before he speaks,
When he promises to call, he won't wait weeks.
I pray that he is gainfully employed,
And when I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.

Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows just what to say, when I ask "How big's my behind?"

One who'll make love till my body's a twitchin',
In the hall, the loo, the garden and kitchen!
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And never attempt to shag my best friend.

And as I kneel and pray to my bed,
I look at the creep you sent me instead. Amen

Man's Prayer:

Lord, I pray for a nympho with huge boobs who owns a beer store.

A Mother's Love

Tonight my kids and I were enjoying a pretty basic family dinner which seem to have become much more frequent in months of late, blessedly so.  My daughter (a high school sophomore, the baby in the photo) was nominated for a college road trip to Northern California by numerous teachers and the excursion requires she compose a short essay depicting her view on why she feels college, for minorities in particular, is critical. Somehow the conversation veered into things she could do to better improve her chances of not only acceptance, but scholarship possibilities. My 19 year old son is the older of my two kiddos. He is a biology major and a sophomore at San Diego State University. The exact words and ideas exchanged on this heartwarming evening are not as important (although this was a brainstorming discussion) as the overwhelming sense of pride and love I have for my kids. I remember my son as a 4 year old telling everyone to "hold the baby's head up so it won't fall off" or my daughter holding his hand while taking her 1st steps. I recall the silly words they used to make up as little kids that no one else understood. My favorite was calling each other "amigop" instead of "amigo", which later morphed into mommygop, grandmagop, and puppygop when we got a dog.

We have come a long, long way since those days. Each one of us has matured and grown up in our own way. I am eternally grateful that as we grew we only became a closer family unit, glued together by love, respect, and lessons leaned.

(photo credit of yours truly... circa 1996. My son was 4, my daughter approximately 3 months)

Monday Madness

After a long, no-time-to-pee, constant rush kind of a work day, I headed home only to begin a new series of tasks. Upon virtual completion, I was spent of energy and came upstairs to shower, only to be greeted by a snarky comment from a attitudinal teen because I had forgotten to make a phone call she deemed "life or death". I assure you, a sleepover in two weeks is hardly life or death, last time I checked. So in the spirit of recalling EVERY task I do throughout my day, I thought I'd make a justification list.

7:00  awake, coffee, shower, dress, gather work things and headed into the typical Monday road madness
8:30  punch in at work, grab coffee #2 from cafeteria, walk through tunnel in basement to unlock office, check emails/voicemails; printed out photos to upstairs color printer
9:00 "FLASH" meeting on 3rd floor, checked mailroom, picked up printouts; meeting with CEO for purchase order approval, assigned tasks to staff given to me in FLASH meeting
9:30  followed up on weekend tasks completed, listed items to be double checked for quality assurance. Followed by creating spreadsheets for preventative maintenance requirements/assignments, updated medical device report for the entire hospital with their serial numbers and warrenty info. Answered phone calls. Discussed schedule changes with staff.  Dispursed anniversary gift to staff member. Walked back through tunnel to 3rd floor to check the quality of work done by maintenance over the weekend. Had to write up a report for work NOT done to bosses expectations. Hunted down the engineer to explain what was done wrong and how his crew needed to fix it.
10:30  telephone call with boss (working offsite) going over the morning status of work done, follow up handled, and expected issues to arise for the day. reviewed all permits for validity. sent payment to ADT for alarm services.
11:00  began filing old purchase orders, receipts, and answered more phone calls/emails. Researched flag poles online.
11:30  worked on staff schedule, processed time off requests, checked on appropriate PTO availability
12:00  received invoice for backflow and surgery room repair, brought to CEO for approval, posted break times and open enrollment info in 3 staff areas, grabbed lunch en route back down tunnel.
12:30  while eating lunch, went over timeclock issues with 2 staff members and called engineers to handle toilet "emergency" on 3rd floor. Escorted random homeless person offsite who had snuck in through a propped door. Wrote incident report regarding the security "breech"
1:00   meeting with lead engineer to discuss status of several remodeling projects currently in process and upcoming fire drill.
1:30  clocked out for lunch, but came back down the tunnel to discuss new employee with HR coordinator. Aother phone call from boss regarding project updates. Called contractor for immediate delivery of product needed by COB. phoned daughters school to clear mistaken absence.
2:00  hospital inspection rounds of ceiling tiles, patient room cleanliness, and morgue sterility. Was called to north unit to inspect wasp nests. Found table and chairs in emergency exit. Called engineer to remove items.
2:45  remembered to clock back in from my "lunch", phoned pest control for wasp removal, had heated discussion with purchasing for not asking their "permission" before contacting our regular pest control company. (Really??? I need permission to get rid of WASPS????)
3:00  updated the work orders completed, entered new work orders into AIMS software (tasks from rounds inspection) phone call from boss regarding issue with purchasing (totally took my side.)
3:30  ordered supplies for Thursday EOC Meeting. Finished November schedule, handed out approved time off requests on 3rd floor. Sent email reminders to EOC Boardmembers for Thursday meeting.
4:00  created task list for graveyard shift to complete. Completed 2 staff evaluation and calculated pay rate increases. Brought to HR for approval. Met with Angelica vendor to dispute incorrect charges. Began collecting hazardous waste and workmans comp reports for EOC meeting.
4:30 answered more emails, cleared voice mail again, returned messages, called Meals on Wheels to discuss damage to our retaining wall.
5:00 organized desk for Tuesday's tasks, locked up office, clocked out.

ROUND TWO
5:15  left work. called eye doctor, vet, and immunization clinic on way home.
5:50  arrived home. checked mail. put dinner in oven. washed car. swept garage. showered.
7:00  1st load of laundry in washer. served dinner. answered 2 week overdue letter of support to jailbird brother
7:45  put 2nd load into washer, 1st into dryer. mopped 1/2 half of hardwood floor in house.
8:15  put in 3rd load to washer, 2nd load into dryer.
8:30  mopped the second half of floor, last load into dryer, put fresh linens on bed. discussed college road trip with daughter. balanced budget. checked facebook and wrote this blog.

next on my agenda is a rum and diet coke which I have FULLY earned, an episode of Forensic Files, and finally... sleep.

City Heartbeat

Today was one of "those" Mondays that one hour feels like a minute and before you know it, the clock reads 5pm and you realize it is time to go. As I pulled out of the hospital's parking lot, I was cut off by a sports car (probably a doctor in a mad dash to a vodka tonic or his tee time) and decided I needed time to decompress before walking through my own front door. In these cases, I put the windows down, turn the radio off, and take the streets all the way home, avoiding the chrome tumor of cars on 805 South. This are the things I see in my city along the El Cajon Bl corridor in a matter of 30 city blocks...

As I am waiting for the green at the 1st stop light I hear the conversation of pedestrians, also waiting to cross, discussing the latest Facebook wallposts. Much to my chagrin, the two are co-workers of mine in full gossip mode and I am relieved I cannot hear the exact details. Another reminder to NEVER befriend a coworker on social media. EVER.

Three blocks further I hear the squeeky wheels of a homeless man's shopping cart, pushing all his worldly posessions in what appears to be a hard-pressed search for a safe place to rest his head. What I find disheartening is the cell-phone yaking, yoga-pants wearing lady who brushes pass this resident of the street, her Whole Foods paper shopping bag full of organic fruit and tofu, Yorkshire-Terrier in tow, totally oblivious to the lives of the roof-challenged in her very own neighborhood. Her mate is probably the bohemeth sized man leaving the gym across the street who appears to have downed one too many protein shakes. I get another sad reminder of how self-absorbed people can be.

A few miles farther and I am approaching the Ethiopian section of the city. I can smell incense wafting from Reggae World music store and Bob Marley reminding me that Everything is Gonna be Alright. Suddenly, a new scent: curried deliciousness from the Land of Africa restaurant which reminds me of the less-than-appealing "Turkey Divan" I ate from our cafeteria today which should have been called "Turkey Dive-Bomb" because thats what it did to my stomach.

Next stop light I see a few pigeons drinking water from a pothole in the street. This must be survival of the fittest, animal kinddom style. The light changed, cars begin to move, and these tough birds don't even bother to fly away. This is clearly their territory, cars be damned.  I see the local barbers standing outside their shop which advertises "old fashioned shaves $8.00." They are catching a smoke break between buzzcuts and wonder if their establishment has the token long-time regular who has come to the shop for decades talking about the good ol' days when he actually had hair on his dome.

Ten blocks further I cross into the poorer section of the city. This a stew composed of graffetti, trash, impromptu auto graveyards and no lack of liquor stores. At the corner of University Ave. and Wabash St. sits Happy Daze Liquor (I couldn't have made that name up in my wildest imagination) with the classic portrait of a hard-core-drinker outside, leaning agianst the dilapadated building. I don't know if he is holding the building up, or vice versa, but it doesn't look too promising either way. He looks as though he has been sipping the wares since dawn. His eyes are tired, his skin sallow, and his spirit broken. This is a man who appears to have seen his fair share of life's wear and tear and has all but given up.

Pushing 35 mph, I cross over into the College Area where stores are bustling, there are plently of fast food eateries, coffee houses and a sign flipper on every corner, trying to entice drivers to stop in for the lastest in Philly Cheese Steaks, Lube and Oil Changes, or "Cold beer-Hot women." These advertisers must be paid by the new customer count for all the energy they put into spinning, dancing and waving at drivers. Dare I say, I have seen a few cute spinners in my day, unfortunately, TODAY was not one of them.

I approach my own neck of the woods and turn my radio on to a jazz station. Norah Jones serenades me with her voice and I feel like she is speaking just to me. Out of all the places I could be in this world, right here, at this moment, I am where I am supposed to be. Her lyrics? "Come with me and we can take the long way home." It has to be God's work that I hear this song, at this time, on this day.

Chips n Dip

I find it amazing that in the state of recession American's are in, there are still people who have the blessing of a job and take such a perfunctory pride in their workmanship. Out of a crew of 15 people I assist my boss in overseeing, there are only two in total that have a great work ethic and are dependable to get the job done. The rest come to work every day disparaging the authority of their managers and do the barest minimum , enough to convince themselves they are flying under the radar.

There is one in particular, a guy in his mid 20's, a Brooklyn transplant with a chip on his shoulder the size of his home town and the personality of a toxic sponge. His appreciation of a steady paycheck is so truncated it is invisible to the naked eye. One example: he was asked to remove some debris from the parking lot. Instead of properly disposing into a dumpster, he simply threw it on the roof of the building. Deficient intelligence or just a don't-give-two-shits-attitude? Or both? I guess he forgot our building is on a slope and the next level up is lined with offices, one of which is the hospital CEO, who witnessed random articles being tossed at her window. Funny, no?

The flip side to this phenominon, my new boss and I are a great team. He trusts my judgment and instinct. Thus far, he has interviewed two people I have encouraged to apply and both are in the hiring process. Both are grateful for a chance at gainful employment with good pay and health benefits. So, to those who find themselves hating their jobs, I have one thing to say... if you don't want to do your job, there are plenty of people who will take it off your hands, do it better, and come to work with a smile instead of a bag of chips.

Forced Reboot

Begrudgingly, I must admit my cellular phone is my most used connection to the world. After being rendered continuous bodily harm, it went on strike this past weekend. I believe it was my attempt at drowning it with a pilphered-from-the-bar, liver-disintegrating, Jack and Coke, that finally sent it over the edge. After two days of fighting, it finally gave into its emminent death.  After several go-rounds with the vermin of Verizon, who ASSURED me all my information was backed up, and later luxuriated in bogus apologies, I now have one useless Blackberry that has been completely wiped naked and another brand new replacement enroute via FedEx.

I was annoyed to say the very least. I lost all my photos, contacts, email addresses, memos, scheduled appointments, passwords.... everything in one single swoosh like water down a drain.  After some mulling over, I realized this was an opportunity to free myself from the dead weight I have been carrying around in my pocket since the Clinton administration. I have come to terms with the entire affair and bid adiou to all my frustrations. I feel lighter already.

Oh Starry Night

There is nothing better than the feeling one gets at the end of a long, exhausting day, than the one they get when they climb into their own, comfortable bed. For me, there are a few details that complete this lovely moment. Fresh linens that have the aromatheraputic scent of Eucalyptus Mint, double pillows (one for my head and one to hug) and a goose down comfortor. I sleep slightly askew, as I typically have one foot sticking out from under the blankets. My dog snuggles next to me, a fan is on or at the very least, a window open. If I don't have my Ipod on the ocean sounds or rain forest. Admitting this may make me the arse of many 'o unkind jokes, but I can live with that.


So, as I wind down my Monday night, disconnecting from the constant bells and whistles of connectivity,  I say my evening prayers and thank the big guy upstairs for blessing me with another successful day. Buenos Noches, kids.

Food For Thought

It is easier to preach TEN sermons than it is to live ONE.

Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on you door forever.

Don't wait for six strong men to take you to church.

Forbidden fruits create many jams.

Don't let your worries get the best of you, remember, even Moses started out as a basket case.

Some minds are like concrete: thoroughly mixed up and permanently set. 

Don't put a question mark where God put a period. 

You can tell how big a person really is by what it takes to discourage him.  

10 Suprising Facts....

That you may not know about me!!

I rarely sleep in the traditional head-at-the-headboard/foot-at-the-footboard position. I much prefer to sleep sideways or backwards.

I think creamed corn looks like vomit : /

My father wrote a one hit wonder in 1963 as the drummer for The Cascades "The Rhytm of the Falling Rain"

I once held the job of golf club assembler.

I adore Audrey Hepburn movies.

In high school I played Varsity tennis and wrote editorials for the school paper.

I have five tattoos, but one is a cover up... so really only four.

I have never rode on a motorcycle.

I have owned exactly 10 cars in the last 23 years and an old Suzuki Samuri was by far the most fun.

I have four brothers and no sisters.

Winds of Change

2011 began like a firework, full of promise to amaze into something spectacular. Except it turned out to be a dud, a defective spark that fizzled out. Where work was expected to be in abundance, future projects galore, thus providing a steady income. Womp.... wooomp... woooooomp..... In a matter of weeks, work dried up, and my goals were put on indefinate hold. Well, it has been six LONG months of creative financing, emotional distress, growing pains, and heartbreak. At long last, a great opportunity has knocked at door and things are once again looking up. Although it was indeed an amusing summer, a lot of free time on my hands to run amok and get into mischief, I am quite ready to get back to real life.

With this new opportunity comes a ray of hope. Fiancial stability, better health, career longevity, retirement matching... suddenly all those seemingly "perfect"  jobs I interviewed for that did not come to fruition have morphed from bitter misfortune into a testimonial to never losing faith. Also a reminder that everything happens for a reason.

I find it amazingly apropos that this new pursuit became official at the onset of the Labor Day weekend. I have completed all the required steps, turned in all the paperwork and signed on the dotted line.  So I close this post as th newly official "Assistant Director of Plant Operations". Pretty darned snazzy. Time for that firework show to get re-sparked. 2012 is lookin' up.

A Hunting We Will Go

This day began rather cobwebbed due to my attempt at cutting back on my morning caffeine fix. Well... that and the fact that every muscle in my body was screaming at me for moving furniture (solo) yesterday. This was the first bad call of the day, there were to be plenty more to follow suit. After stepping into a shower and wondering why I couldn't see, I realized I still had my eye glasses on. Hummmph! Out the window went the well intended endeavor to remove the morning cup of 'Joe from my routine.

After washing the gray out of my hair (thank you, Miss Clairol) and finishing a much overdue facial (thank you, Miss Sally Hansen),  I joined a beloved friend in her fierce, 11th hour scramble for a new place to call home. Having a large breed dog, her options are quite limited and finding an apartment in her desired neighborhood for under $1200 per month is about as likely as Ghaddafi marrying Barbara Streisand. But I digress... 

We forged through her five page list to no avail. One moving violation, a lecture from a very well-meaning La Mesa Police Officer and Grande Macchiatto, we struck gold. (NOTE: This was in fact, my FIRST coffee of the day. I needed an afternoon pick-me-up and although the cop was a hottie, he didn't take the hint from my come-hither-stare). We stumbled on a back street and found an impeccable complex. Much to our suprise, (and delight) large dogs were accepted! A tour soon ensued and the rental application obtained. I think we have a winner-winner-chicken-dinner, folks.  

So, as I climb into bed (my canine has already staked his claim by the window) with a Sleepytime Tea, I beg Mr. Sandman to grant me a peaceful night's sleep and no sore bones in the morning. *Yawn*

Mid Day Muse

As I sit on my little patio, trying to ignore the ear-spliting squeals of the neighbor's child  and the perspiration dripping down the small of my back, I close my eyes and rest my head imagining my life in another moment.

Suddenly I am emmersed in a totally different frame of mind ... The Big Easy. I am lounging on a wicker chair on a filigreed architectural balcony in the French Quarter, a gentle breeze sifts through the ferns keeping my body temperature cool and comfortable. I am sipping on a Mojito and listening to the excitable chatter of people on the street below me and the horns of street cars. The sound of live New Orleans jazz grooves in my cochlears, reminiscent of Louis Armstrong during the StoryVille era when the moonshiners and madams of the underworld plied their trade amongst the gambling saloons and bordellos in the red light district. Voodoo queens offered solace to the desperate by casting spells or giving potions.  Gentleman wore shirt-tails, Ascots, and Homburg hats and while ladies donned stiff, high collared  dresses with a tightly bound corset underneath, emebellished hats and gloves. There was a definitive pride in appearance.

My only concern today is pondering which of my party dresses I shall adorn at dinner: vintage or contemporary? How shall I style my locks: pinnafours or a classic crop? Which delicious meal should I partake in: Crawfish Etouffee or a simple Muffuletta?  Will we continue after dinner for frozen daquiries or call it an early night? So many questions without answers, I find myself needing an afternoon catnap to clear my cranium.

Do Not Resuscitate

After the glitter has faded, the rose has lost its bloom, the storm has become quiet, and the relationship expiration date has long since passed, I find myself alone again, sucked into a vortex of "what if's" and "shoulda, woulda, coulda". I think of myself as damaged goods and question my own ability to making love last.  Sleep becomes an illusive commodity and offers too much time to be alone with my thoughts.

My love life resembles a vigorous round of Whack-A-Mole. I knock down losers, cheaters, liars and bottom feeders in abundance, only to have each one resurface out of new holes. I decide that maybe a life of domestic independance, devoid of romance just might be easier. Perhaps accepting a daily welcome home by a canine concerto is better than the cold, rotten inertia of a never ending circle of failed relationships and constant dissapointment.
 

Passion Pondering

 

I sit on my tiny little patio this evening nursing a glass of cheap wine musing over the last few years of my professional history. There are some positions I liked more than others, but with every job, I found some semblance of enjoyment and put my best foot forward. My parents raised me to have a solid work ethic regardless of ones interest in the trade.

I once set up shop in a vast sunken work area lovingly referred to as “pod-topia” for the local government where I determined eligibility for medical benefits and helped parents find affordable housing and employment. I felt like I was making a real difference in my community. Here I began to form an idea of how I wanted to further my education and career. I was sadly disappointed when my time there was unexpectedly, and wrongfully, terminated.

Following this, I held titles on both coasts for a nationwide nonprofit that gave me an enormous amount of satisfaction. Even on the days that took every ounce out of me, I went home feeling as though I had improved the quality of living of the elderly. This lead to a short term at an organization working one on one with hospice patients giving them dignity in the face of death, honoring their final wishes and offering berevement resources to their families.  Again; a position that reinforced my desire to help others.

Since then I have bounced around at a variety of administrative jobs that offered no definitive career satisfaction, yet provided opportunities and friendships I would otherwise not benefitted from. One situation was at a company that made daily tasks quite challenging to all its employees. Here we feigned enthusiasm for our jobs, but formed bonds of friendship I bet my bottom dollar will last the rest of my life. I had another brief venture at a television station where I had the opportunity to meet a lot of local personalities and learn about a business I had never before considered remotely interesting. Many evenings were filled with movie premiers, cd release parties and hosting functions. For the time I was there my life was quite exciting.

Through all these experiences, the underlying commonality was my compassion for helping people in society, regardless of the area of expertise. I now find myself becoming interested in furthering my administrative repertoire in the health care arena. Although I have had quite a collection of random pursuits in the medical field I somehow have strayed from this, what I originally thought to be my calling. I will continue my quest in helping others; that is something that will never change.

My question is; can people have more than one career passion in life?

Daddy's Little Girls

I have a friend who was a rather rebellious teenager and fell into a tough street lifestyle into her early adulthood. She left home at 17 and lived all over the country. For years she had a tumultuous relationship with her parents, going long stretches of time without seeing them. She became pregnant with her own child and delivered a beautiful baby girl. This was a turning point for her. She got off drugs, found a legitimate job, and got off the streets. She created a small but beautiful home for her and her daughter. Eventually she went to college and got a degree in a field that she felt truly passionate about, all while maintaining the same job for 12 years.

Recently my friend decided to move back to her home state, a great move for her, but sad for me. She has mended the relationship with her folks and has become an integral part of their daily lives. Her teenage daughter is now surrounded by a positive family unit and succeeding in school in a much more positive direction.

Today my friend told me she has a fishing trip planned for the weekend with her father, the first time they have ever gone on such an outing in her entire life. Given my recent paternal issues, hearing of their strides, I felt hopeful that perhaps someday I will be able to find peace with my own father. We have a lot of unspoken hurts between us that have been swept under the rug for over 30 years. So, thank you G.P.T. for not only being my best friend, sister-in-heart, and confidante, but for showing me through your experiences, that nothing is insurmountable. You are my inspiration for family unity.

To Coupon or to NOT to Coupon....

There is a reality television show on a cable network titled "Extreme Couponing" which I believed (note-past tense) to be the ultimate stretch on finding a series that would hold a semblance of interest. I must admit, I have been sucked into a few episodes and actually find myself motivated to take a stab at this newly publicized phenominon. The amount of savings to be had is mind boggling if done correct. (One lady had over $600 in items and paid $4.18.. by ANY means, this is awesome).

This afternoon I found myself at the local grocery store picking up a handful of last minute ingredients for recipies I will be trying during tomorrow's holiday celebration. The market was quite busy, all 18 lanes open. Each one easily housed five customers deep and almost every cart was brimming with a variety of meat, charcoal, beer/alcohol and a plethora of fixin's for side dishes. With ninja skills I managed to navigate through the aisles, grabbing my small list of items and shimmy into a check out lane in less than 15 minutes. Unfortunately, lane 13 was a very, VERY bad call.

The fella' two customers in front of me had a one inch stack of retailer and newspaper coupons AND receipts from a previous shopping spree. Quite rudely he demanded credits for items on said receipts which required extensive investgation and the keyed override approval of a manager, thus holding up the line. Minute by minute I became exeedingly annoyed at the delay this caused me and my melting gallon of ice cream. Please do not misunderstand, I give kudos to anyone who is talented enough to make the system work in their favor, especially in these rough financial times. However, there are a few ettiquette tips I might recommend.

1. Please do your best to plan these time-consuming treks for the market's slow hours, NOT the most busy time of day.
2. Do NOT decide one day prior to a major holiday to conduct your couponing.
3. Please allow the customer behind you with three items in hand go ahead of you, ESPECIALLY if it's ice cream.
4. HANG UP YOUR CELL PHONE WHEN YOU ARE BEING ASSISTED AT THE REGISTER!!! (seriously, this is common courtesy people.)

After today's experience, I hesitate to try my hand at saving a few pennies with these ditties. I am still up for the challenge, however; I realize the simplest common consideration as to when and where you test your skills makes a huge difference. And to Lola the cashier, you showed great patience and professionalism to this tactless excuse for a human, yet smiled with apologetic eyes to the unlucky souls who unloaded behind him. For that, you get major "props" from me. When I see you next, the Starbucks 10 feet away will be on me and I will relay this story just so you know people really DO appreciate great customer service.

At Long Last...

Another day is done and you’re still the only one for me

Feelin you…

I want you here with me

Turn my gray skies blue

I need you here with me

Yes I do…

I’m not crying everyday

Wishing things were a different way

I’m learning love is so easy

Mmm, the things he does just to please me

Took some time but I finally found someone

Who could be mine

I found my heaven’s design

And with all the people out there to see

Right here is where I want to be…

Feelin you…

If you knew back when

All the pain I been in

Even you could see

What this man means to me

And if he don’t know right now

That somehow you heard me calling

Caught me as I was falling Saved my life. (Yes you did)

And although in the past

They all have left

This man wont leave my by myself…

So I’m feelin you

He could just tell me what I want to hear

But he’s sincere

Holds me through the night

Wants to talk it out when things aint quite right

Wants to know each and every side of me

Wants to keep me happy

He’s just that into me