Monday, May 23, 2011

At Long Last...


Another day is done and you’re still the only one for me

Feelin you…

I want you here with me

Turn my gray skies blue

I need you here with me

Yes I do…


I’m not crying everyday

Wishing things were a different way

I’m learning love is so easy

Mmm, the things he does just to please me

Took some time but I finally found someone

Who could be mine

I found my heaven’s design

And with all the people out there to see

Right here is where I want to be…

Feelin you…


If you knew back when

All the pain I been in

Even you could see

What this man means to me

And if he don’t know right now

That somehow you heard me calling

Caught me as I was falling Saved my life. (Yes you did)

And although in the past

They all have left

This man wont leave my by myself…

So I’m feelin you


He could just tell me what I want to hear

But he’s sincere

Holds me through the night

Wants to talk it out when things aint quite right

Wants to know each and every side of me

Wants to keep me happy

He’s just that into me

Monday, May 16, 2011

Perfect Imbalance

A friend and I had a conversation this evening about relationships and the emotional complications that surface at different intervals in them. While she has minimal dating familiarity due to a long term relationship, I have an extensive dating background and minimal experience with lengthy commitment.

Although she can entertain the romanticism of butterflies and indulge in a blind faith attitude to trust someone new, the end result is still uncertainty. I am the complete opposite and immediately become skeptical if someone seems too good to be true. I have been infinitely hurt and the outcome is an acrid approach to the opposite sex and a coat of armor around my heart thicker than Europe’s Iron Curtain at the close of World War II.

We both try to not hold past relationship history against new prospects on our horizons, but in our own individual way we still maintain a bit of guardedness when it is time to open up. While she allows a man into her heart with pure optimism in a new beginning, I immediately put up a barricade. I may have genuine emotional attachment for this new prospect, yet I behave as though I am unaffected by their kindness out of fear of being hurt again.

How do we find the balance in protecting our hearts while still allowing hope to lead us down the right path? How can one female grasp more caution while the other learns to be more trusting? How does she protect herself from unnecessary pain? How do I attain faith in finding a loving relationship? How do we find compromise and allow ourselves to be vulnerable, yet still protect our souls? How do we sift through the emotional propaganda and allow ourselves to be loved?

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

THERAPY


A lonely day filled with overcast skies and chilly wind was rather depressing this morning. I have been in the mood to write something heartfelt but have lacked cerebral creativity as of late. Since I felt the need to escape my abode to avoid the proverbial wall climbing, I headed to one of my favorite locals. Here I find amusement in people watching and never have a lack of inspiration. If you have ever been to OB, you know exactly the type of eclectic melting pot that it is.

I parked at the far end of Newport Avenue, the main thoroughfare, and strolled up towards the string of antique shops, bars, and smoking retailers. I entered a bar with a door that may have once passed for English oak. This place is an oldie but goodie for locals but it shall remain nameless to protect the innocent. This is the type of atmosphere you get when you mix tourists, seasoned drinkers, hustlers, tree-huggers, potheads, balmy weather and a constant ocean breeze.

The bar was a long, dim room, five crude ripped leather booths to the right, a wooden bar refinished in glossy acrylic to the left, and the typical mirrored wall showcasing bottles of grain. Eight serious drinkers were present. Mostly gray hair or balding, and upholstered by an extra 15 pounds of belly, propped against the vinyl bar railing. All were either watching the basketball playoffs on mute or facing the bartender, OB’s incarnation of Freud, who looked as though she sampled the wares at intermittent intervals. The Cure played on the jukebox, reminding me that boys don’t cry.

I plopped my rear end into a seat at the bar and ordered my usual, vodka/soda with two limes, please, because today lucidity would be a real bitch and I was in need of some attitudinal healing. The soused man next to me smiled and extended a howdy-do. There was not enough wintergreen in the world to disguise the cigarette on his breath despite his claim to be on the wagon. Ye old failure to rehabilitate. In the stool next to him sat a skinny guy with 3 day stubble, scared rabbit eyes, broken blood vessels exploring his bulbous nose, and the burnished skin of the hard drinking homeless. His sidekick had a face that had once been pretty but had been paved over by bad decisions and a lot of drug abuse.

I finished my glass, put my shades back on, left a tip on the bar and headed back out into the sunlight and the rhythm of the city.The sun was shining through the clouds and I felt as though I had entered a whole new day. Cheers to Ocean Beach.