Easter's blessings

Don't worry young soul. Be secure. Stop stressing.
Give your burdens to God and he'll turn them into blessings.
His timing is perfect. His love holds our hand.
And when we want to fall victim He'll help us withstand.
We have mightiness instilled within.
Our DNA is immaculate. Our father is Him.

Any sickness, any weakness, any ailment, any pain.
He will wash from our bodies with a healing rain.
There is no illness he can't cure. Not a disease He can't release.
So believe it can be done. And soak in this peace.
Our bloodline is His heartbeat. Our faith is His essence.
He fills our hearts with questions. And answers with His presence.

From out of a dream, a vision in the clouds.
From somewhere unseen, a message so loud.
"KEEP THE MOMENTUM FLOWING, KEEP MY KINGDOM GROWING".
So we draw closer to you, in case the ending is closer than you.
This is your doing, there's no mistaking it's you.
So if you want to live on again.
Hearing intent.
Listen closely my friend.

He'll never ask you to break, but he'll need for you to bend.
Beliefs taut like a tight rope, give up on hatred, accept a new hope.
Hope for a love. Of all people and things.
He left this world. And now peace He brings.
The deaf he gave sound. The blind he gave sight.
Our wrongdoings were reversed and ALL was made right.
The day He surrendered, we won the fight.
He called the darkness day and turned blackness to white.

Not a decision was in vain. By death He gave LIFE.
The end he made begin with forgiveness for our sin.
He made the waters recede, transformed mountains to seas.
Cast fish in the waters. Set birds on the trees.
Put stories in our hearts so one day they will read.

All to prove his abilities and cause us to believe.
We doubted. We debated. We lied. We hated.
And never once did He turn on us. His love never faded.
Join hearts now, too long we've been separated.
When we cherish one another His life is celebrated.
-Stella Ortiz.

Random thought for the day

If you tip your waitress, waiter, bartender or taxi driver more per week than you donate to your Church, Synagogue are Mosque then THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU! There is no excuse... Not a member; Don't go often - Then find one; Ride by and feel the Spirit, then that's the one; write down the address and give... They need your help now more than ever before !

Random thoughts on life...

Life is funny, ironic, cosmic, unexpected yet predictable….. crazy. It is sadly true that people really don’t change much, even after many years, decades or stages in life when maturity is supposed to take pace. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule. Personally I have seen myself morph from a rebellious teenager to a naive young girl, to a mature, older wiser 30-something year old woman. Perhaps in another 20 years I will read this and appreciate the lessons learned even later during the mid-life experience.

Of course, in this writing I am referring to the manifestation of love, emotion, inner wisdom, knowledge of self. 20 years ago I was 18 years old, graduating from high school and had my whole life figured out. I knew everything there was to know and no one could tell me otherwise without me rolling the eyes and dismissing their words with a casual wave of the hand. I could not have been more ill informed. The years rolled by like the seemingly infinite green pastures of a Texas highway.

Through experiences, loves lost and found, higher education and exposure to street acumen, a new perspective on life is developed. If one does not learn to have faith, courage and wisdom all the while, they may well find their self at 38 years old getting a reality check like no other. The beauty is, these three things are innately inside, they just have not been tapped into. Humility, pride, intelligence, courage, forgiveness, patience, and the sacred art of choosing your battles are all things that are often taken for granted.

I recently reconnected with someone through the miracles of the internet. This was once someone who I loved with every fiber of my being. I did things for this man that were so above and beyond what any self respecting female should do, especially for a man who is otherwise attached. Someone wise told me “never make someone a priority when they only consider you an option” and I so wished I had heard these words years earlier in life. They have stuck to my heart since day one, yet, I seem to have had a temporary backslide into the abyss of what “could be.“ Heartbroken again? No. Disillusioned? Maybe. The thrill of meeting someone new is definitely the only good thing that came out of this Texas rendezvous. A true southern gentleman who managed to salvage an otherwise wasteful excursion.

There seems to be a reoccurring theme in my life…. Men who tell me I was the best thing they ever had, the one that got away, the one they “should have married”, the one who never gave them drama or pretended to be someone I was not. Yet, somehow each and every one of these men are now either attached to someone else and still trying to keep me on the side or have not outgrown the old “sewing wild oats” stage of life. No amount of “I’m sorry” takes away the stab in the heart that comes every time. Yet I still open myself up with the faith that maybe, just maybe, this might be the one exception to the rule. This might be the one who knows how to appreciate me for who I am, accept me for who I am not, and love me as I deserve.

I used to hate it when people would say that “People never change” because I wanted to hold on to my faith that people are able to and DO change for the better. I know it is possible because I have done this. I have matured and grown with each flip of a calendar page and hoped others had as well. But the bottom line, no matter how many times I continuously give someone the benefit of the doubt, those leopard spots reappear and I see the individual is the same old, tired, lying, cheating, immature, addicted, sorry excuse for a human being that they always were. The only change was that they had become better at covering their proverbial spots. Yet in still I hold this silent little prayers and a tiny corner of my heart in case that one person will come along and prove to me that my faith was not for nothing. Miss Alicia Keys says in her song “Although I was burned… I call it a lesson learned” and this is me, in a nutshell.

So as I sit here in this airport terminal, 3 hours early for a flight because I simply couldn’t wait to get away from yet another disappointment, I am with a heavy heart that yet another person has taken a notch out of my soul. Did I expect him to fall lovingly into my arms and pledge an eternal vow of love, no, but perhaps at least following through with simple promise of a memorable experience in a new city would have been most appreciated. That being said, I do not regret coming here. I saw some things I had never seen and done some things I never thought I would get a chance to. Met some very nice people, had a few laughs and heard some good Texas music. Although the photographs document bittersweet memories , I have them and will tuck them away for a time when the sting in my heart is not so sharp.

As I sit here writing this, my phone rings and the sweet voice of my daughter comes through. She misses me, loves me and tells me a few anecdotes of the dog’s latest antics and of what she has been up to while I was away. Suddenly I have a whole new appreciation for the blessings in my life and am ready to go home to said blessings. Give my two kids a big bear hug, my dog a belly rub till he gives me that famous foot kick of his, and embrace all I have. Perhaps I have just located that proverbial silver lining.

Playing catch up...

Well it has been several weeks since I have had time to breathe, let alone update here. Suffice it to say, things are maintaining about at sea level. No update on the job front, but a few things on the horizon that offer a glimmer of hope, so I keep fingers and crossed and head held high. I have a birthday coming up in a few days, so to celebrate my best friend, and 2 other very good friends threw our bags in the trunk and headed to Sin City for a few days. Well, never has the phrase "what happens in Vegas-stays in Vegas" been so true. hmmm... 'nuff said.

The unfortunate event was getting a CURSE the hour of my return home. All's well that end's well. It was a fabulous excuse to stay in bed the entire day sipping hot chammo tea and catching up on correspondence, reading and getting myself organized for the last week of this course in school. Next Tuesday will start another course and another world of information brought into my meager mind. In the meantime.... a few shouts out to my partners in crime:

STEPFORD WIVES SHIT
A BEAR CHASING YOU THROUGH THE WOODS
FLACID SUNS
PIZZA MAKES BAD TOILET PAPER
ETHIOPIANS AND FREE PIZZA... I THINK??
ASS JUICE
SEXY RICK
YA'LL ARE TRIPPIN-SHE HAS A KEY
TICKLING CAUSES CACKLING
TOO CLOSURE!!! NEW BEGINNINGS!!!
HAIR OF THE DOG
DOUBLE FISTIN

R.I.P. Chelsea King

Today was an extremely sad day in San Diego. Last week a young lady, a high school senior was running in a community park area after school and was abducted and declared missing. This was almost a year to the day marking the anniversary of another missing teen in the same area, Amber Duboi, who was never found. Although I do not begrudge ANY family from media attention when they are missing a child, I find it utterly repulsive that children of minority background do not receive nearly as much coverage.

Yesterday some of Chelsea's clothing was found and the search continued. San Diego's CSI team ran DNA tests and found semen, which was compared to a known sex offender's list and a match was found. I would not fathom giving this sick bastard's name any further media time, so he shall heretofore remain known as the bastard.

It deeply sickens me, as a human being and more importantly, a parent, that someone with a record such as his would be convicted of child molestation and released within five short years. His first victim, which I highly suspect to be the first victim he was caught molesting and NOT his only prior victim, was 13 years at the time and now is 18, close to the same age as Chelsea. Imagine what she must be thinking right now. I pray that this time he will be rightfully imprisoned for the rest of his natural life, or better yet, put to death. (Updates to follow as his case proceeds.)

As most of you know from previous posts, I am the mother of two children, the youngest being a 13 year old daughter. I also live directly next door to a convicted sex offender and I am not afraid to say, if he ever laid a hand on her, he would not have to worry about the police because he would never make it that far. He'd be dead and I would probably be in jail for murder.

In closing, I send my heartfelt prayers out to The King Family, friends and classmates of Chelsea, including my niece, who was the best friend of Miss King. I can empathize with you and pray that you are able to find peace in your heart and home. God Bless.

Sanctuary Sunday

Pretty good last few days. Lots of quality time with family and friends. Quite a bit of imbibing this weekend celebrating birthdays, the completion of another class under my belt, reuniting with old friends and just being happy with life in general. Of course things can always be better… a job with a paycheck would be most appreciated. In the meantime, I am healthy, happy, loved, and blessed. Friday was spent building a 5’X5’ shoe rack… yes, I *heart* my shoe fetish enough to actually erect a home for my zappatos. I must give proper gratitude to my buddy LB for the assistance, laughs and her attempt at explaining the plethora of extra screws, pegs and metal scraps.

Once this was completed we decided our due diligence should be decorously rewarded. Our party of two turned into three upon pick up of our third fellow miscreant JB and we headed to Ocean Beach. After quaffing some adult beverages we headed to the usual last stop, the oh-so-delicious-Roberto’s. To top this off, I found some extra sweet revenge by telling the old company what I really think of them. (insert very minor illegal act here… heavy emphasis on MINOR). Saturday brought bedroom cleaning and even more imbibing for MB’s birthday. Billiards, red bull/Mandarin ‘Goose and shenanigans. Just one question… how come the two most attractive men in the whole saloon were on the down low? Push forward to today, which dawned with beautiful rain and coffee with my oldest friend JL of 19 years. This was only topped off by consignment hunting, used book store and Souplantation with my daughter.

As my evening comes to a close I am enjoying a bowl of popcorn, the Kardashian's and the sound of even more rainfall. Good night all!

Define Irony...

Today was a spontaneous day at the very least. Started with the plan of homework, relaxing and perhaps taking the doggie for a walk. After about an hour, class was cast aside like a sailor's common sense on a weekend liberty pass. Laptop was hastily closed, hair thrown into a pony and flip flop sandals donned my feet. The chariot stopped at the local teen hangout... the mall. It was filled with the proverbial pimple faced teenager enjoying a holiday from school. I would bet my bottom dollar not a single one knew what president was being remembered. I digress...

10 minutes later I was seated in a darkened theater, nachos on lap, Starbucks in the cup holder and cell phone on vibrate. (too bad not everyone got the memo on theater etiquette). Two hours later the curtain rolled back down and mini-me and I did a little clearance rack treasure hunt and spontaneously decided to make a run for the border in search of a much sought-after pair of gray Chuck Taylor's she has been jonesin' for. A quick stop at the domicile to pick of the other mini-me (not so "mini" and really not so "me") we were headed the 20 miles south to the San Ysidro Outlet Mall. We were victorious in our search and headed home not only with the prized Chuck's, but a few Hurley shirts for the boy. Amazing how 30 yards beyond the parking lot we could clearly see the border fence and Tijuana cowboys pondering what section of the fence would be easiest to get them access to the US ponderosa. And here comes the aforementioned irony....

Upon arrival home, my son realizes the Hurley shirt, which has "San Diego" printed on it has the well-known (to locals, anyway) image on the back of a Dad-Mom-Kid trio running across the freeway. This is the exact sign warning drivers on I-5 to be cautious of pedestrians crossing the freeway. Racist much? Here is the kick in the ass I found mind blowing.... the shirt has a tag on the inside... "Hecho In Mexico". (Made in Mexico)

Mental Vacancy

Today dawned with an attack of the mind as I had never experienced before. I have heard on numerous occasions the topic of panic attacks and never quite understood what they were… until today’s crepuscular when I was rudely awakened by my own said attack of the psyche. An indescribable nightmare sandbagged my sleep, leaving my mental density numb and about as clear as the Tijuana River Valley after a torrential monsoon. My hands shook, forehead was clammy and stomach was in knots. My heart raced and literally felt as though it was jumping out of my chest. I could barely breathe. The sliding door was thrown open in attempt to get air where I stumbled on to the balcony and promptly tossed my cookies.

A long hot shower ensued, followed by a steaming cup of cammie tea and a random classic black and white filmed in 1942. Although my mind set slowly returned to normal, the feeling of sharks in my bathtub remained. Around 7 I finally dozed off on the sofa. The rest of the day proved to be a challenge in the mind over matter category. I am happy to relay that mind won the battle and I feel pretty normal again after an afternoon tea party complete with cucumber sandwiches.

This highly undesired event had the proverbial silver lining. I was reminded how I am surrounded by love and support. Those who have endured this malarkey offered sound advice and extended offers of a phone call regardless of the hour the clocked ticked. This was not lip service either my friends, rather a heartfelt concern for my emotional well being. Love surrounds me like a hand in glove and despite the troubling twilight I continue to pray for strength in mind, body and spirit.

The Last of a Dying Breed... Renaissance Man

Every so often I am privileged to spend quality time with an incredible individual who is a man of ineffable proportions. His aura continually radiates positivity and seems to be contagious to yours truly. He has a fabulous sense of humor. Is diverse. Considerate. Handsome. Traveled. An innate gentleman. Worldly. Intuitive. Sexy. Honest. Beautifully schematized and internally tidy. Classy. Flirtatious. Polite. Romantic. Affectionate. A sensual lover. Ambitious. Educated. Adventurous and a bit of a daredevil. Balanced. Artistic.

His royalty is open in heart and mind. Talented. Playful. Charming. Faithful. Conscientious. Unobtrusive. No baggage, no drama, no hang-ups. Wise. A man of honor and a man of his word. Confident, yet humble. Compassionate. Tender. Forgiving. Secure with himself. Nonjudgmental. Courteous. Appreciative. Morally and ethically sound. Personable. Family oriented. A bit mischievous. Those who are not envious of his demeanor will try to emulate it. He is the paradox to typical etiquette (or lack thereof). He is all substance, sans the flash. All awe minus the shock. A true testament to a man raised well. In a city full of scum, free-loaders, players and all other undesired miscreants who treat women as fast food, he is a searing commodity. So I ask you, why he is still unattached?

The gravitational pull to him is amazing, almost frightening. Never would I intentionally be a bull in his china shop and there is an ominous inner voice warning me about showing to much affection for fear of pushing him away. I am happy to spend the quality time on occasion, the obligatory movie, coffee house or to simply stroll with abandon and appreciate nature. Somehow these simple things are so much more memorable when shared with a man of his caliber.

In a life of singlism he is genuinely the one person I feel in my soul to be worthy of my infinite affection. I have written many prose regarding relationships with equity and should a coupling ever be reborn and GPS’d back on the road map of my life, there is no doubt he is equitable. He is the sole person who has no hidden agenda and accepts me for who I am; flaws and all. At the same time, inspires me to better myself, to evolve into the epitome of a good woman, one not easily let go and never forgotten. I become reflective, mindful of self, almost pensive upon his departure. I select my words, actions and decisions with more consideration. I find myself unconscientiously smiling around him or even at the thought of his touch.

This chap ceaselessly leaves me anticipating our next meeting and has set free those hard-to-find mariposa in the bowels of my belly. I patiently await new experiences, new memories, and all the things to share in the future. Through this sunshine there is only one gray cloud… he is a bit intimidating. He is all things admired and sought for in a companion, yet somehow seemingly unattainable. In a world with the unwritten law of “if it seems too good to be true, it probably isn’t” I pray that this is the one exception. I trust the big guy upstairs has his listening ears on tonight.

Sound bites from a weekend in Las Vegas...

"Cruisin" (arm motion required)
Can you please buckle my heels?
This is my daughter
Exaaaaaaaactly!
Vegas Baby!
Take that you lousy pooper!
Like a hammer
Ghetto boombox
I only serve players
Rollin in the toaster
Water is for chumps
Panty Droppers
Liquid gold
Birdcages from a truck?
Enough alcohol will kill any allergy
Fe-Pussy spray... thanks Dan-the-man
Biker dudes are so hot, especially when you share an elevator
Melvin. Enough said
Thank you. NO, thank YOUUUU
Bitch. Enough said
So desperate to replenish you will drink out of a melted ice bucket
Salt lines on fries
Slot machines make great foot props
Random elevator trash... cup, crushed beer can and a single dirty black sock
Hot "Rich" bartenders
I soooo have to try on this pirate hat
Beans
I have to get a picture of that
Long Island Iced Tea's at 6 am
Holy swollen ankle
Canadians in room 1492
Tacos and pizza……yuuuum... but from the same greasy spoon?
Old cowboy with spurs at Circle K
Sushi eel rolls
Can I give you a massage?
Mardi Gras beads the size of volleyballs
$9.00 Cigarettes
Emotional outbursts enroute to the ice machine
Tall, dark and handsome with a deep voice
Random ahzners (IE soda spewing through the nose)
Old creepy man at the geisha bar
Dan-the-man knocking at the front door...the front door? Really?
"Let's go to Lee's..." what the heck is Lee's....a bar...a liquor store..??
Taco Bell Cashier drive thru "technician" calling customers honey
Longest known lines in the world for an ATM known to man
Random Russian dude wanting to jump LBizzle, had his own cables
"What you sippin on in that cup?"
Enduring the long journey to the hotel room in a maze of stairwells
Leaving your 3 foot long drink in a souvenir shop
Seriously contemplating purchasing a flag at the T.I. gift shop... ahem necklace
Fashion advice in the parking lot. Yea dude, you look fine for a club. But I still won't dance with you.
3-way spoonage
Card tricks (magic tricks)
Crabs in our balcony drinks
Tonight's gonna be a good good night (music from Carnival Court)
Suspicious stain
Umm I need a fridge in my room for my "insulin"
Best time ever at Victorville Jack-in-the-box.. Larry the crime donkey
Frantic suitcase packing; IE throwing in all your shit
The best job in town; cashier at 76 station AND mayor of whole town
Patty two kakes aka ptk
disclaimer: "CLEAN" bathrooms


BONUS: That's not classy, but abortions are

Mi Vida Loca

The last three days I have donned my thinking cap by 8 am and thrown myself into the abyss of “Successful Interviewing in Human Services” otherwise known as the class I am currently taking online. Although a demanding class, in two weeks I have had my eyes opened to so many new factors and elements involved with interviewing. I actually think a lot of these strategies will apply to interviewing for a better job, which is next on my agenda. The melee in the “corporate office” (I use this term extremely loosely) seems to never end. No one seems to know what the person next to them is doing and I don’t think I can take much more idiocy thrown into my daily agenda. Insert the coined phrase “The lunatics run the asylum” here.

Back to original thought… I have completed a weeks worth of assignments in 3 days so that I can thoroughly enjoy the first trip of 2010. In T minus two days I will manumit myself and throw the duffel bag back in the car, heading north on I-15. Next stop, Sin City! I shall leave my perennial choir girl robe in the closet (uuuh, do I really have these?) and pull out the mini skirt, boobage revealing blouse and obligatory stilettos. This being said, I made a New Years Resolution to dress more age appropriate, however, this IS Las Vegas, I will be AWAY from the impressionable offspring. Nothing short of the occasional rabid bridezilla or drunken clochard will bring down my high spirits. It also helps to have a fabulous co-pilot and partner in crime. I affectionately refer to her as my Lady Bug.

So, as I close the laptop, pack the suitcase and start preparations, wish me luck. Hopefully I will come home with more than the conciliatory digital photos and a wallet of nothing but regret.

10 DAYS AND COUNTING......

Listen to the Rhythm of the Falling Rain...

Wow, so 2010 has brought a very busy schedule to yours truly. Without prattling on forever about mundane things, suffice it to say, work has been busy, class has restarted and the offspring have been keeping my emotions all over the map. The son has been a burr under my saddle in particular. I wish he would realize that he does not have enough ass in his britches to carry on the way he does. I guess once a young man gets a feather in his cap from that special first love, he decides he is grown. I digress.... In other news, the daughter has discovered a newfound attraction for writing and has spun a few tales Hollywood would be proud of. Perhaps someday she will be an author. As for me, well, the only reading I have time for is textbooks, writing is found in the form of this blog and papers, and downtime has been spent with friends and family. And now.... back to the textbooks.... and listening to the torrential downpour outside my window.

I bid adiou to 2009

The sun has set on 2009 and in 30 days my life may be different. Maybe for the better, maybe not. I have to put my trust in God that He is leading me down the right path during my journey. Amazing how 24 hours can change ones general plan, priorities, opinion and prayers.

In this era of friends regarded as fast food, people who are insincere, selfish and feel entitled, I consider myself a blessed woman to have a handful of friends who are true, lifelong, proven relationships. These are people who love me, take me as I am flaws and all. People who do not judge, rather point out both positives AND negatives and allow me to make decisions without fear of recourse. These are people who not only protect me but also my children. God help the person trying to harm any of our group of offspring because there would be a mad mob of vigilantes seeking our own type of justice.

My other blessing is family. Without them I would have a much different history and a much tougher life. They have guided me with their wisdom and taught me positive morals in life. Honesty, respect, ethical work habits, pride and determination to name a few.

The two groups overlap in many ways, family relations are also friends and friends are considered family minus the DNA match. I love you all dearly and wish the new decade to be filled with good health, loving relationships, and uninteruped prosperity!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Hello all, I wish you a fabulous 2010 and welcome you to a new decade. May it be filled with love, life, and laughter.