PET PEEEVES

MOOD: HOT AND AGGRO!

I was feeling rather feisty today as soon as I hit the morning traffic, and 13 hours later I still feel a bit combative. Maybe my planets are not aligned or the summer heat has made me especially irritable. It occurred to me that venting some of my pet peeves may be an outlet to abrogate these annoyances from my emotional bandwidth.

Some of these irritations are just common sense, some are a lack of manners in one’s upbringing and yet others may very well just me, being a difficult person to keep content (admitting it is half the battle.) I was driving home and suddenly the two or three festering boils turned into a whole list of things that make me aggro. Here goes my inventory of discontents. There is no order of importance.

1. People who walk their dog and do not clean up the poop deposits. It’s just proper etiquette to bring a shit sack and clean it up. Side bar to this is when a pet owner shows up to a function with their beloved pet without clearing the furry friend with the host first.

2. Leaving the car to occupy the gas pump while grocery shopping in the mini-mart. Hello! Move your vehicle to a designated parking spot and then you can peruse the magazine rack, get your Slim Jim’s, condoms and cheesy plastic rose for your evening date at your leisure.

3. People who R.S.V.P. for a gathering and pull a no-show; nor call and apologize. It has been said that California is the capitol for this crime. What happened to the proverbs of Emily Post?

4. People who claim to be "Good" Christian's (or any religion for that matter) and look down their nose at someone who is being "real" and in the next breath spread gossip, engage in casual sex, or conduct themselves in an immoral manner. Absolutely hypocritical. Utterly despicable. (Note to readers, I doNOT include myself in the holier-than-thou category, I'm a sinner just ike you!)

5. When someone is running more than 20 minutes late and can’t call or text to let the person waiting and let them know they were detained. Habitual occurrences are often deal breakers. It is a lack of respect to blow someone off and not communicate that you are running behind.

6. Fishing for compliments. Enough said.

7. HYPOCHONDRIACS. Again, enough said.

8. People who balance their checkbook or sign their checks to deposit at the bank’s drive up window. Seriously people, get your ducks in a row before you get to the window, ok? While you are sitting in your car, balancing your checkbook, figuring how much money you can eek out, the rest of us are behind you, burning expensive gas, tired after a stressful day at work and just want to get our little chump change $20 out, stop at the closest liquor store, go home and decapitate a bottle. (haha how ghetto did that come off, seriously??)

9. When someone is undecided on their choice, but holding up line while they ponder the almighty decision between a Big Mac or chicken nuggets. Move your arse to the side and let someone behind you order.

10. When someone is constantly complaining about the state of political affairs but is not even a registered voter. Side note: quoting sound bites on current events and having no real understanding of the concept. A professor once told me “Never trust anyone’s research but your own.” I believe that sums it up perfectly.

10. Crying babies at movie theaters/personal cell conversations in a restaurant. People: you are not so important that we want to hear about your recent pap smear or how your baby-mama is trippin.

BONUS: For the ladies only! I have recently adopted what I have affectionately dubbed “The 90 second rule.” This is set into play in a social setting, typically a bar, nightclub, etc. If a guy is standing by me, gawking and invading my space, he has 90 seconds to evoke conversation or introduce himself. If he can’t do that, then he needs to get out of my milieu because he is preventing someone else who does have the huevos to speak up.

The common slang terms for this is “cock blocking.”

Ah I feel relieved, thanks for letting me vent. I shall now commence my imbibing process