Goodbye to all things stale

I bid ado to the detrimental relationships in my life that have adhered onto me like an obstinate barnacle. This entry refers to friendships that were merely aiding and abating the inner rascal within myself. Although recently I was (wrongfully) accused of being selfish to a degree of detriment to my own offspring, I have decided, unequivocally, that I need to focus on falling in love with myself.

One would think that at this ripe old age of thirty-something, having raised two kids solo, (one that is 13 months away from adulthood himself) and overcoming the obstacles God felt I needed in life, that I would have better bullshit recognizing skills. Alas, I have been proven wrong. Or maybe this is just another lesson the almighty has decided I needed in life. In either case, I hope the kibitzer (a highly underused work-look it up) who has these narrow-minded opinions learns to not judge, but rather give the benefit of the doubt, especially when all the facts are not known.

After the aforementioned accusation I did some profound soul searching. My heart was wounded by this allegation. I presume because I thought she was a friend, one who knew the real “me.” Am I truly a selfish person? The answer was reassuring no. I am not a selfish person, rather a selfless person. Have my actions affected others? Yes, but after
physically composing a written list, I was again reassured that my actions, although maybe not understood by outsiders, has had the well being of everyone else in mind before my own compensation. This includes patients, elderly clients, family, friends and even strangers.

One example: About a year ago I witnessed a young woman being dragged out of a truck at a shopping mall. Most onlookers gawked at the scene and drove away. However, I pulled over and my then-boyfriend got the license plate and called police, while I followed the young lady to assure she was ok. Her story was a sad one. The gal was simply vacationing here with an abusive boyfriend. She was broke, stranded, bloody, scratched up and emotionally wretched. Begrudgingly, we left her at a local restaurant with the few dollars we could scrounge up, so she could at least eat and have coffee while she waited the two hours for someone to drive here from her home town to get her. Now I ask you, would a selfish person do this for a complete stranger?

This was just once incident in my life that came to mind, there are hundreds more stories I could elaborate on, but it’s honestly just not significant anymore. I have made peace with it. I do not carry out these acts of goodwill for recognition or praise, it comes natural to the person I am, the person my parents raised me to become. Helping others makes me feel satisfied within. This brings me back to my original declaration, bidding ado to the detriment in my life and falling in love with myself.

This does not mean I will worship the very ground I walk on. It does mean I rearrange the top five priorities in life: my kids/family, career, true friends, God and myself-not in any particular order. I will disengage myself from drama, problems and whiny tirades, popular with casual friendships. No longer will I give random idiocy a molecule of consideration, rather I will make a genuine effort to boomerang that wasted attention back to my top 5 worthy priorities. If casual friendships suffer, then they were not real bonds in the first place. I can accept that and move on with my head held high. The next time a vindictive offender makes false accusations I will simply deterge myself and move on with a smile. Keeping those who truly matter to me happy, in turn keeps me happy. That is what allows me to fall in love with myself.

I would be remiss if I did not admit I will miss the laughs and special memories. But, as I tip my Fedora to old acquaintances, I wish everyone a life of positivity, self-realization and inner peace.