My Perfect Man

He will be self confident, take pride in his appearance and comfortable in his own skin, regardless of imperfections that everyone has. He owns at least one suit and wears it well. A man’s man. A protector for those he loves. Innately polite. Knows to look one in the eye when speaking, offers a firm handshake and is ok with giving a manly hug to another male.

A bit old fashioned. Has no aversion to an occasional hand holding, opens doors and greets his elders with a “sir” or “ma’am.” He is socially comfortable and at ease when meeting others. A friendly smile, head nod or gesture of greeting in passing simply because it is a nice thing to do.

Has a sense of purpose in life, more than the expensive vehicle, big house or latest gadget. While he can appreciate these things, he does not require the ownership of said items to find happiness. He lives within his means and is comfortable and honest about what he can or cannot provide.

He is a part of something bigger than himself. He will have concern for others, the well being of society at large and is compassionate towards others. The type of person who will see a homeless person outside an eating establishment and purchase extra items for them, without judgment or expectation, give it to said person on his exit simply out of the goodness of his heart.

Has a job but knows how and when to hustle if the situation requires this drastic of a measure. He has my back and trusts that I have his. He knows difference between kindness and weakness and does not take advantage of either. He pays attention to detail even when I don’t think he has noticed the small things. He appreciates it when I do the same in return.

He is nonjudgmental, confident in his beliefs, yet open minded to new ideals. When we do not see things the same way, we are able to agree to disagree and compromise, then move on without drama or raised voices. He listens when I need to relieve my heart of hurt and knows I will reciprocate in kind. He trusts me enough to confide in me and knows to keep my private and most intimate concerns between us and not broadcast our relationship details to the world.

He overlooks my minor imperfections, does not take my non-relationship irritations personal and knows when I need a moment alone to gather my thoughts. He allows me to pamper him without the nagging thought in the back of his mind of “what does she want?” because he understands this is just my way of showing affection.

He not only makes me laugh, but, the very thought of him makes me smile. He is flexible. If it is a girls night out, he does not blow up my phone or assume I am up to no good. He understands that I am outgoing, friendly, and a bit of a flirt by nature but I would never cross the line of disrespect towards him because he knows I am a good woman knows her boundaries. Along the same line, if he desires a guys night out, I can trust that he will have a great time and come home to me without any underhanded, shady, or disrespect towards the relationship we have built.

He equally appreciates a quiet evening at home with a dinner and movie as much as he does an occasional club. He does not dread the occasional obligatory family gathering on either side of our families.

I wonder if this man, or anything even close to this, still exists? I must have a faith that somewhere, somehow, sometime, this person’s path will cross mine. Perhaps I am just a hopeless romantic.

Making Sense out of Chaos

It seems as though with each week that passes the state of the world falls deeper and deeper into a foray of hostility and unrest. We have all seen the news clips and heard the sound bites. Surreal, ineffable images of devastation and distress along Japan’s eastern seaboard: homes lost, families separated, radioactive threats, and lack of communication all contribute to pandemonium among citizens. Civil unrest in Libya: political resistance, rebel forces, military insurgents, air strikes and no fly zones, and battles over interstate highways that separate east from west. Photojournalists depicting frenzied scurrying for safety; children holding rifles standing larger than the children themselves; and bloodshed at the hands of violent attacks.

There is a value in bearing witness to what's happening to people who are living their lives with extraordinary tenacity and great dignity, despite doing so in the face of horror. We live each day here in the United States, going about our daily routines, casually bypassing the destitute, the homeless, addicted and underprivileged. We spend frivolously on $4.00 coffee, expensive vehicles, grossly ornate homes, and lavish vacations. We are perversely attuned to our own selfish desires, taking for granted the lifestyles we lead. We pass this sense of entitlement on to our offspring who then grow up not knowing the value to earning their own way and regard material items as a symbol of success. We do this without realizing the consequential aftermath that will result or without giving thanks to God and giving back to the world in gratitude for our blessings.

I am just as guilty of the next person for this frivolous behavior. I trust in my inner moral code, upbringing, and faith that people are innately kind, despite being sidetracked with personal ambition. We all must remember to thank those who protect the very freedoms we believe are entitled to us a God given right. Recently I saw a truck on the highway with art in the rear window that summed this up. “Home of the free, BECAUSE of the brave.” My sentiments exactly, even if I have to be reminded from time to time.

Unrequoited West Coast Love

I am mentally exhausted from eking my way through life. The pattern of creative financing and the (much appreciated) help of others, and supportive friends has served as my saving grace. Living in Southern California is grossly overrated. Everything costs more here… insurance, gas, rent and utilities. It is with a heavy heart that I have come to the conclusion that my time residing here in San Diego must come to an end. Although I love it here, this is my native city; I also cannot help but to be excited at the prospect of a new start as a single woman.

I have spent 20 wonderful years being a mother, sister, friend and daughter, some years also wearing the title of student, wife, and volunteer. My habit has been to be ritually heroic, always taking care of others. Although I have no regrets, I also anticipate what new doors will open in my future. Experiencing life in a new city in another geographical region; learning diverse cultures and exploring unchartered territory appeals to me. Living out dreams I have put on a back burner for two decades, to travel and broaden my horizons.

It is time to let my wings spread and leave the comfort of my natural habitat and be independent. I am ready to rejuvenate my lifestyle and shake things up, seize the day and live like the exoteric gypsy I have always wanted to be. This 30 something is anticipating the next era of her life.

Living Life with No Regrets

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out whom you are or whom you want to become. You never know who these people may be but when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way.

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon.

They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints in our hearts, and we are never, ever the same. And sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower, or heart. Everything happens for a reason, nothing happens by chance or by means of luck. Illness, injury, love, lost, moments of true greatness, and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless. The people you meet who affect your life and the success and downfalls you experience help to create who you become.

Even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are probably the most poignant and import ones. If someone hurts you, or breaks your heart, forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious when you open your heart. If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love and how to open your heart and eyes to things.

Make every day count!! Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything that you possibly can for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people that you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Let yourself fall in love, break free, and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself; it will be hard for others to believe in you.

You can make of your life anything you wish. Create your own life then go out and live it with ABSOLUTELY no regrets.

ROAD RAGE

This weekend was fun filled, spontaneous and full of girlie activities including thrifting, lunching, imbibing, and a Sex-And-The-City marathon, which, I am happy to say, I am now a huge fan of the show (I am still on the fence if I am a “Samantha” or a “Samantha/Carrie combo.)

However, while out running amok over San Diego, I was reminded of the rather annoying trend building in Southern Cali. I have noticed an increasing amount of douchbaggery behind the wheel. Perhaps I am just becoming a member of the road rage generation.

Again, this morning, on my way to work (note: it was not even 7am) I was privy to yet another incident of discourteous drivers when I was cut off by no other than a CalTrans “traffic enforcement officer” truck. This brought me to the need to compose my personal list of idiocies I have opinions of. There is no particular order.

1. Waiting until the last minute to veer right from the fast lane to catch your exit ramp on the right is not cool on ANY day. People… anticipate your need to exit at least a mile ahead of time and for the love of all that’s holy, USE your turn signal!

2. Everyone has been in the undesired position of trying to make a left turn out of a parking lot and having to cross traffic. While pulling forward a smidgen to check for oncoming traffic is acceptable, protruding the entire front end of your Suburban across the whole first lane is quite ridiculous. When you force oncoming traffic to change lanes or stop altogether because your front end is blocking everyone else, you become quite inconsiderate.

3. If you see someone trying to enter the lane, be courteous and allow them in. In addition, when someone is polite enough to let you in, reply in kind with a gesture of thanks.

4. The speed limit on most U.S. interstates is 55 mph. Unless you are someone’s Nana or a teen in driver’s education, you will not be abiding by the law. Go with the flow of traffic. Does this mean you have to be driving Mach IV during rush hour?? Of course not. But driving 55 in the fast lane is just as unacceptable.

5. DO NOT LITTER, find a wastebasket for crying out loud. No one wants to witness random banana peels, plastic wrappers, coffee cups or even dirty diapers flying out of your windows. (Yes… I have actually seen flying diapers)

6. NO TAILGATING. ‘NUFF SAID.

7. Pick a freaking lane and stop playing virtual frogger on I-5 in downtown Los Angeles in a weak attempt to arrive at your destination 3 minutes before everyone else. This also counts on multi-lane streets. If it really makes you feel superior to beat me to the red light, well, I guess that is your cross to bear.

8. Number 8 is dedicated to mainly the male gender. Yes, everyone is entitled to enjoy music when rolling your pimp mobile, however, be mindful of the volume and your audience. While a fellow homeboy may enjoy hearing about bling, hoes, 40 ounces or kush, a minivan filled with a clan of girl scouts, not so much.

9. In the spirit of keeping this fair.. numero nueve is dedicated to the ladies. Stop with the vehicular cosmetic regimen. Seriously, get up 10 minutes earlier and handle your lashes and lipstick in the safety of your home. If you absolutely cannot do this, wear sunglasses until you are safely parked, then feel free to commence the Merle Norman makeover.

10. Lastly, something we are guilty of. Cell phone usage, including text, needs to stop. Even yours truly is guilty of this and far more frequent than not, I am ashamed to say. However, in recent times I have made a valiant effort to stop this behavior. I am happy to report that I have cut text usage to stop lights or in traffic when not moving. Conversations have been limited to emergencies or conducted via speaker phone, much to my mothers chagrin.

Thank you for reading today’s rants and raves on the uncivilized, uncouth and downright ill-mannered ways of the weary commuter. Drive safely.

random thoughts for a Thursday...

Today I had an epiphany of sorts... although I am deeply appreciative of ALL things in my life, today, as I was sitting at my laptop, scanning away and earning a living, it suddenly re-occurred to me just how blessed I am. I may not be the prettiest, wealthiest, or even healthiest for that matter, but I am surrounded by people who genuinely care for me. Friendships do not always last forever, nor does sharing D.N.A. offer a free pass on a life-long relationship that endures all things...

I am mindful every day of the phenomenal individuals in my life. To be considered my family and my friend, are not mutually exclusive relationships. Some of the closest people to my heart share no kin to me through bloodline, yet, I would do anything for them in my power to make their lives untroubled, stress-free and as content as possible.

So, without getting too sappy today, I want you all to know that I love you and appreciate everything you bring into my life. Whether we are riding our beach cruisers, offering honest council (even when it isn't what wants to be heard), or resolving tough situations we find ourselves in, we stick together like white on rice and....

I would do anything for you biaaahs!!!

4 states in 24 hours...

In the spirit of sisterhood, friendship and plain old missing my bestie and niece, NYE (eve) found me boarding a delayed 747 bound for Denver, Co. After a brief stop in sin city, where I only lost a fiver to the Wheel of Fortune nickel slot. I finally arrived into a blizzard of snow flurries and 16 degrees with a wind chill.

Barely out of baggage claim, I received a call from work asking if I would fly to Seattle on Monday to assist on a project. Although the sacrifice was being away from my kids another 5 days, it also meant groceries and a roof.

The Denver trip was awesome. Lots of time catching up and visiting with my new "family" who are wonderful people who have welcomed me with open arms as though we share D.N.A. Family dinners, sight-seeing, and a game filled NYE party made it a trip I will never forget. It was all over too fast and Sunday came before I knew it. After a bit of last minute scurrying, tearful goodbyes and loading an overstuffed suitcase, I made it to Denver International only to be informed I had another flight delay. I finally touched down on native soil at 1am. You know you have devoted friends when they are willing to do a curbside pickup in the middle of the night. (Special thank you goes out to NG... she also incurred a fix-it ticket when circling the terminal... sorry babe!)

So now, less than 24 hrs later, I sit in a Seattle hotel room, tired, cranky and dealing with a head cold. Aye dios mio senor. Calgon-take me away. Time to recharge and get a good night sleep. "T" minus 4 days until I will be home and back with the ones I love.