ROAD RAGE

This weekend was fun filled, spontaneous and full of girlie activities including thrifting, lunching, imbibing, and a Sex-And-The-City marathon, which, I am happy to say, I am now a huge fan of the show (I am still on the fence if I am a “Samantha” or a “Samantha/Carrie combo.)

However, while out running amok over San Diego, I was reminded of the rather annoying trend building in Southern Cali. I have noticed an increasing amount of douchbaggery behind the wheel. Perhaps I am just becoming a member of the road rage generation.

Again, this morning, on my way to work (note: it was not even 7am) I was privy to yet another incident of discourteous drivers when I was cut off by no other than a CalTrans “traffic enforcement officer” truck. This brought me to the need to compose my personal list of idiocies I have opinions of. There is no particular order.

1. Waiting until the last minute to veer right from the fast lane to catch your exit ramp on the right is not cool on ANY day. People… anticipate your need to exit at least a mile ahead of time and for the love of all that’s holy, USE your turn signal!

2. Everyone has been in the undesired position of trying to make a left turn out of a parking lot and having to cross traffic. While pulling forward a smidgen to check for oncoming traffic is acceptable, protruding the entire front end of your Suburban across the whole first lane is quite ridiculous. When you force oncoming traffic to change lanes or stop altogether because your front end is blocking everyone else, you become quite inconsiderate.

3. If you see someone trying to enter the lane, be courteous and allow them in. In addition, when someone is polite enough to let you in, reply in kind with a gesture of thanks.

4. The speed limit on most U.S. interstates is 55 mph. Unless you are someone’s Nana or a teen in driver’s education, you will not be abiding by the law. Go with the flow of traffic. Does this mean you have to be driving Mach IV during rush hour?? Of course not. But driving 55 in the fast lane is just as unacceptable.

5. DO NOT LITTER, find a wastebasket for crying out loud. No one wants to witness random banana peels, plastic wrappers, coffee cups or even dirty diapers flying out of your windows. (Yes… I have actually seen flying diapers)

6. NO TAILGATING. ‘NUFF SAID.

7. Pick a freaking lane and stop playing virtual frogger on I-5 in downtown Los Angeles in a weak attempt to arrive at your destination 3 minutes before everyone else. This also counts on multi-lane streets. If it really makes you feel superior to beat me to the red light, well, I guess that is your cross to bear.

8. Number 8 is dedicated to mainly the male gender. Yes, everyone is entitled to enjoy music when rolling your pimp mobile, however, be mindful of the volume and your audience. While a fellow homeboy may enjoy hearing about bling, hoes, 40 ounces or kush, a minivan filled with a clan of girl scouts, not so much.

9. In the spirit of keeping this fair.. numero nueve is dedicated to the ladies. Stop with the vehicular cosmetic regimen. Seriously, get up 10 minutes earlier and handle your lashes and lipstick in the safety of your home. If you absolutely cannot do this, wear sunglasses until you are safely parked, then feel free to commence the Merle Norman makeover.

10. Lastly, something we are guilty of. Cell phone usage, including text, needs to stop. Even yours truly is guilty of this and far more frequent than not, I am ashamed to say. However, in recent times I have made a valiant effort to stop this behavior. I am happy to report that I have cut text usage to stop lights or in traffic when not moving. Conversations have been limited to emergencies or conducted via speaker phone, much to my mothers chagrin.

Thank you for reading today’s rants and raves on the uncivilized, uncouth and downright ill-mannered ways of the weary commuter. Drive safely.