Melancholy

Feeling very lonely today despite being around people. My closest friends are either distant or some distance away. No special someone to lay next to. I say often how I am happily single but I am human and sometimes I get weepy too. My clost friendship is so strained right now. Although no bad words have been said, we are both remaning distant. Without valid explanation. I miss telling her things and hearing her voice.

I miss a man of equity calling me every so often. Miss the little things such as blockbuster nights, coffee houses or that kind of closeness felt even when no words are spoken. I feel like I am alone in my own little world. But how does one feel alone even surrounded by people?

Tonight I cry silently so the others don't hear. Don't want to lay my burdens on anyone. I crave sleep to find me and to do it fast but it doesn't. The sandman passes me by waving to me. I am wide awake with my thoughts how easy it is to remember good times with past relationships and block out the bad. Remembering the inside jokes and little games we would play. Trying to block the arguing, tears and anger. The after effect of weeping for something that could have been beautiful.

But life moves on, numbness ensues and memories of feelings fade. Until a night like tonight.. silence surrounds me, save for an occaional rustle of trees. Darkness stealthily creeps in. Then I hear the soft sound of a snoring dog at my feet and a daughter sleeping, burrowed down next to me mumbling in her sleep. She misses time with her mama so she asks if she can at least sleep next to me. Ah the light beginning to reappear. Wrong again. It is simply daybreak. Another sleepless night.