Mixxed Up

Some relationships seem like a good thing in the beginning but the longer you are in them, the more you realize this may not be the right path to follow. This includes friendships as well. The longer one stays in this relationship, the harder it is to leave because more memories are created, both good and bad. It is my belief that the more history you have with someone, the more comfortable you get. Once the split is finally over, and sometimes it takes a few attempts before it is truly done, time begins to heal those wounds. The sad memories fade and the good ones remain in your heart. Perhaps this is a higher power’s way of protecting us and allowing us to eventually move on. I have had both friendships and romantic relationships that have come to a close.

The last serious love liaison I was a part of was many years ago and we were a couple for three years, off and on. It seemed as though we would split up and after a week or two would miss each other so much, we would pledge to make mutual changes, put in enhanced efforts and make it work. It is so hurtful to loose someone you love, especially when that person is also your best friend. It took a state line to really make it a complete break up and although time passed, a love still remains in a corner of my heart. Perhaps it always will. But the love is different now. I look at the encounter as a learning experience. I have fond memories and hurtful ones; however, the amiable times far outweigh the gloomy.

You were there for me for comfort during family crisis, sharing coffee and the Sunday paper. My balcony may have been overlooking the dumpster but to me it was heaven. Walking our dogs together, sharing dreams and childhood nightmares, laughing at random things, inside jokes (“Gonna get dealt with”), fights over the dumbest things and then making passionate love for hours to reunite our souls . Creating new meal recipes and staying in on a Saturday night, weekends when I had to work and you brought me flowers (My boss called you Valley Center), volunteering to feed the elderly, spontaneous road trips (we only threw some pillows, blankets, and a "box" of vino in the backseat), destination, unknown. That was a pretty refreshing dip in the pool at that hotel we crashed. Sutter Home.

There were house parties during the holidays (When even the Christmas tree was broken in half!), impromptu gatherings, DJ jobs at various clubs and our little game pretending to not know one another (then flirting madly as though it was going to be a one night stand) even that wedding we videotaped together (I distinctly remember fixing the cake with flowers picked outside the venue because that was all I could MacGyver up at the last minute). I laughed when you chased your dog all through Lemon Grove in your boxers when she got out of the yard, making the family video montage for my father together. You always were very creative and talented. Many alcohol filled nights shooting pool and passing out in the car (curb, garage, or parking lot).

Our very first date was feeding the squirrels at the lake and going back to your cottage. I vividly remember being fearful it would end there but grateful that it didn’t. Despite the times of insecurity, distance, yelling and tears, I treasure our time with one another. We have both moved on but my heart knows we will always have poquito amore’ for each other.