A Titanic Day

This afternoon I had the pleasure of attending the Titanic Exhibit in San Diego at the Natural History Museum in Balboa Park. What a special way for the family to spend time together! This was one of the most fascinating exhibtions I have attended and I have seen quite a few.  At the entrance of the walk-through exhibit, each person is given a "boarding pass" from an actual passenger listing demographical information, who they were traveling with and details on their journey. At the end of the tour, ticket holders search for their name on a wall to inquire if they perished or survived the catastrophe. In my case, my ticketed passenger survived. The following is some information I found on Mrs. Jennie Louise Hansen.

Mrs Claus Peter Hansen (Jennie Louise Howard) was born 20 December 1866 in Racine, Wisconsin, the daughter of William J. Howard and Edith Dawson. Jennie was a frail woman who had been poor in health for years. She had lived through several catastrophic events in addition to the Titanic.  She was a pastry cook in the Blake Opera House and Hotel which burned to the ground on 27 December 1884. She made the last trip in the elevator before flames gutted the shaft. Prior to the fire by several months, she was found lying unconscious in the kitchen overcome by gas fumes from the stove.

Jennie was married to Claus Peter Hansen on 25 July, 1900 in Racine. They would have no children.  In 1912 Peter and Jennie (then 45 years old) were going to Denmark to visit his family. Before leaving Racine, Jennie told her brother Thomas that she dreaded making the trip, saying that she had a feeling she would never return alive; she even told Thomas the type of funeral arrangements she wanted in the event that her body was recovered (he took this in a humorous vein). The Hansens left for Europe on board the Cunarder Campania on February 14, 1912.


When the time came for Peter and Jennie to return to America, Peter´s twenty-six year old brother Henrik Juul Hansen, decided to leave Denmark and accompany them to the new world. The trio boarded the Titanic in Southampton as third class passengers (ticket number 350026, £14 2s 2d). After the collision, Peter put his wife into a lifeboat (possibly lifeboat 11) with the words: "Jennie, you had better go so that there will be one of us to tell the story back home." Peter and Henrik both perished in the sinking. Jennie claimed that in the crowded lifeboat a sailor was sitting on her lap rowing the whole time!

As a result of the Titanic disaster, Jennie suffered such a shock to her nervous system that she was unable to shed a tear after. She also suffered from severe nightmares and went to stay with her elder brother Thomas and his wife Maggie in Franksville, Wisconsin. Apparently Jennie's nightmares were so severe that Thomas and Maggie had to go and hold her down on the bed.

Eventually, Jennie returned to Racine Wisconsin where she married Elmer Emerson, 19 years her junior, on 25 August 1915. They lived at 1214 Center Street, Racine. Jennie Louise Emerson (née Howard, late Hansen) died on 15 December 1952 aged 85, due to complications of chonic Bronchitis.

Career Corridors

Now that I have settled into the 2^nd phase of my adult life, I find myself seeking paths undiscovered thus far. I have come to the conclusion that I desire different things at 40 than I did at 20. Not so abnormal, right? Things that once ranked high in priority now barely scratch the surface of my psyche. I find myself on a perpetual ride to boredom, professionally speaking. I have worked basically in the same industry for 15 years, albeit under different titles. No matter what position I held, I always held on to my work ethic and went above and beyond what was expected. But I no longer have a passion for the health care industry, no longer look forward to going into work. Time for a fresh start.

I have a master plan and with any luck, I can set the wheels in motion in the very near future. I am setting my sights on a completely different genre of service this time around and I have a gut feeling I have found my true calling. I will have to get my knees dusty, starting at the bottom and I work my way up, but I welcome this challenge. I foresee great things in my near future. Life has no safety net, but I am excited to take this leap of faith.

pasos cortos, visión largo…..Short steps, long vision.

Injustice?

Recently many people celebrated the Easter holiday with friends and family. Typically there are traditional dishes, gathering around a table filled with appetizers, and some species of entertainment. For my family, this meant my Father’s delicious grilled filet mignon, my stepmother’s cream cheese and chutney dip, and golf. Well, the men gathered around the big screen and the females walked the property (several acres that what we fondly refer to as “Raymond Ranch.”)

Being animal lovers, their property has several lush turtle refuges, an impressive chicken coop, owl nesting boxes and a large aviary. In addition, there are fruit trees, trails, and view decks. So as the fellas watched golf, the ladies took a walk around the terrain looking at the new baby birds, picking fruit and collecting a colorful basket freshly laid eggs. The air was fresh and clean, being a good 30 minutes outside of the city proper and there is a certain peace in the atmosphere up there that calms even the most frazzled of nerves. For the most part, it was a lovely day.

Unfortunately this day was also a reminder of an injustice and a topic I find disturbing. I am sure there are people who will disagree with my opinion. Growing up in a law enforcement family, I could not count with all fingers and toes combined how many holidays we had faces missing around our supper table because someone had to work their regular shift at the jail or prison. I find it quite disheartening that convicted criminals are permitted family visits on legal holidays (even the banks and post offices are closed!!) causing sworn staff to miss the celebrations with their own loved ones. On this most recent holiday my stepfather, once again, had to work his normal shift at the jail, checking in guests, assigning visit rooms, and accepting money for the inmate accounts.

Please do not misunderstand… I know how beneficial a visit is to an incarcerated person. I know this because, as my regular readers are aware, I have a brother who is confined behind the walls of a California prison. After our father pays him a visit, his spirits are raised significantly and his letters are more positive and full of hope instead of despair. Said brother agrees with me regarding the frivolous visit schedule. I don’t begrudge a prisoner a chance to see their loved ones and keep the lines of communication open. Ultimately this type of bond to the outside world may help them upon release; closeness to friends and family may encourage them to live within the legal limits of the law.

I believe there is a fine line here. I reckon a law abiding, tax paying, hard working citizen deserves the holiday merriment with their kin considerably more than a convicted criminal.

Turn Out the Lights... The Party's Over

A weekend detached from reality seems to be just what the Doctor ordered. I am fighting the advent of middle age and sadly losing the battle. I find myself with those errant white hairs along the temple, sore, achy bones after a long day, and the need for more sleep. No longer can I go to nightclubs, party until daybreak, and still go to work by 9am. No sir, those days are gone. This being said, this past weekend was a milestone for yours truly. The BIG 4-0. I call it either the BIG 4-ohhhhhhhhh or the beginning of a new era... the Fuck It Forties.

Technically, the festivities started a week early with a trip to Sin City where I checked in to my room with a gift already waiting for me!!! My favorite alcohol, complete with sugar free mixer... and snacks for that dreaded morning after, all wrapped up in a cute pink bag! Finally the next night my favorite partner in crime arrived from Colorado. We shared a lot of laughs and caught up on all the latest news. I even got to play a new slot machine called "Breakfast at Tiffany's" and if you know anything about me at all, you will know anything to do with that movie, I'm all in. Unfortunately for my wallet, Ms. Hepburn, Paul and Cat weren't to generous.  On the 3rd night we attended a club, appropriately named "Gold Diggers" where the patio was tinctured with Mary Jane in the air and the dance floor was so small a chihuahua would feel cramped. Alas, still a great night. Gold Diggers, indeed. I don't think we paid for a single drink in that club. Ahhh the power of a skirt and heels... at any age.

The rest of the week flew by at warp speed and before I knew it, the official big day arrived. My cousin treated for a fabulous meal of surf 'n turf at Flemings Gaslamp. The next day was lunch with Mommy Dearest and kids at Centifonti's Italian Cocina. Later that evening, my comrades arrived from The City of Angels. Unfortunately, they brought along a refrigerator sized behemoth named Terrance, much like bringing a wild animal out of his habitat.... Sir Terrance is not the most socially graceful fella'. Still, another night of complementary drinks ensued. So many people came out to celebrate with me! I was truly touched and found myself tearing up a time or two seeing all these people who cared enough about lil' ol' me to want the charm of my company and give up a Saturday night. Oh what a night that was... one for the record books.

Sunday brought on yet another family gathering, this time over ribs, pizza, and a mixture of Cajun food at BJ's Steakhouse and Brewery. Story swapping and more catching up on the latest over delicious plates was an exceptional way to round out the weekend. I also received my very first Tiffany & Co piece of jewelry.  How thrilling it was to open that little blue box, beautifully wrapped with a white ribbon!!! Other fabulous prizes were gift cards to my favorite stores, books, French wall decals from my daughter and a gorgeous bouquet of long stemmed white roses from my son. Yes, my children know their mother well. Last but not least, the Dolce & Gabbana perfume I have been feening for since it was introduced. All things I would never have purchased for myself... But the absolute BEST gift of all was the presence of all those smiling faces and birthday hugs from the most important people in my life. I have said it before and I'll say it again... I am one blessed "young" lady.

Life's a Beach!

What a gorgeous day in SoCal! In the spirit of "striking while the WEATHER was hot", the offspring and I loaded towels, sunscreen and water, donned our bathing suits and headed west-bound on I-8, destination: Mission Beach.  How I missed the sound of the ocean waves and breeze on my skin! It was touching to see the young parents building sandcastles on the shoreline with their toddlers.... red pails, trowels, shovels, sifters.... it did my heart good to see such strong family units. Despite the crowds, this was a blissful way to close out the weekend!

"Stayin' Alive"

After seven long years of emptiness and one year of old fashioned written correspondence my dear friend and I have finally been reuinuted. Other than a few creases of age time stamped around the occipitals and perhaps a couple extra pounds around the waistline, Daniel looked exactly the same as he did in 1993 when our lives first crossed paths.

Over the many years of friendship we lived housemates several times, sometimes surviving of a $3.00 box of pancake mix until payday. It would be impossible to count all the time spent shooting pool and playing music on the juke box at the local dive or re-watching our favorite movies. So many inside jokes and quoting movie lines at moments only the two of us would get the irony, and this was only the beginning of our friendship. By far my fondest memory is Daniel being the only person in my corner at a very stressful time of my life. I had just given birth to my 2nd child and was in the midst of divorce preceedings, basically living with no support. I was forced to return to work when my daughter was only three weeks old, and to make it worse, I worked graveyard shift.  I was overcome with guilt leaving my newborn and my 4 year old, but he was right there by my side, someone I trusted my childrens' lives with. He watched over them as though they were his own flesh and blood. He kept them safe and cared for and entertained them so I could sleep after working all night. He never asked for anything in return except my continued friendship. Daniel was an integral part of my children's lives.

So here we are, almost 20 years later and so much to catch up on. We are both facing obstacles in our own lives but somehow knowing my dear friend is back in my life, I feel a sense of peace.  We have been there for one another through so many hardships, I know that the challenges that face us now we can get through. Another example of God working in mysterious ways.

Thanks, Ott.

Needing a little time to recharge my batteries, I checked into a hotel for 2 days recently. How lovely it was to watch the sun go down over the Pacific from my 12th floor balcony. I slept in enjoying a bed full of pillows and had a leisurely breakfast of toast, coffee and fruit while making new friends. Afternoon was comprised of a good book, fashion rags, hot tub, and a few cocktails poolside. Evening delivered a devastatingly handsome man over for dinner and a few more cocktails in the lobby lounge, which sparked up quite the flirtatious conversation. Oh my... how a sexy smile can bring the school girl giggle out.

Wash, rinse, repeat... day two brought on much of the same except that I managed to squeeze in a bit of retail therapy for my upcoming annual Vegas extravaganza. All in all, a much needed break from reality.

Breakfast At Tiffany's

At long last, I finally viewed Breakfast at Tiffany's on the big screen. What a treat for yours truly, who adores Ms Hepburn. Not only for her acting talent, but more so for her humanitarianism. A woman that epitomizes class, intellect, humor, strength, style, and selflessness. I wish I could have met her just once to tell her how much I admire her.   Now I'll go to bed, dreaming of a time when ladies enjoyed hats and gloves and men opened doors and held hands. Scratch one off my bucket list, this dream has been fulfilled.

Pickin' Season

Thursday text from daughter:

A: MOM!! Guess what my GPA is?!?
ME: Ummm it must be great if you are so excited...
A: a 4.7!!!
ME: Makin your mama proud, kiddo

Looking back, in my high school years, I was a lousy student. My parents didn't care about grades or homework, as long as I graduated and moved out. Sounds cruel, but this was my reality. So I skated by doing the bare minimum. I ditched all the time (typically to go to work) I partied in Tijuana every chance I got (back then it was not as deadly as it is now) and hung out with my much-older college-age cousin (she was a "good Catholic girl" whom they trusted) which ultimately lead to me trying to be more grown up than I was ready to be. At 18 I was on my own. I attempted community college because it seemed like the next logical step. But in the 1st semester I got pregnant and that was the end of higher education for the next 20 years. At least I finally got that degree. In the meantime, seeing how both my children excel in their education, are both innately driven to do their best and still maintain active social lives and honorable hobbies... makes me wonder what I might have accomplished in life, had my own parents carried higher expectations. No regrets here because I am basically a happy person with life. I suppose my apples have fallen FAR from their tree, and rolled into a whole different orchard. It does my heart good to get these type of messages... makes me feel like somewhere along the line, I did something right. : )

Workin' Gal

Today was a beautiful day in San Diego. I woke up with a smile on my face and a dog at my feet. Two hours later I was sitting in a refresher course training session as a rehire at my old company.  I am hoping and praying that this opportunity turns into a long term commitment. They have expressed huge trust in my capabilities by assigning me to a dual position that promises to increase my experience.

So, in closing early and getting a good night's sleep.... I leave you with this fabulous quote I heard today... Live a life youre proud of and if you need to, have the strength to start all over again.


Behind Door # 2

In the spirit of dancing to the beat of my own drummer... I am opening a bottle of Moscatto and settling in for a Sex and the City Marathon in lieu of beer and football... Somehow I feel like I found my own Superbowl. And Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha are playing at my half time show.

Think Pink!

What a great few days it has been for yours truly. I received a smidgen of Intel on a job lead and within 3 days I had signed on the dotted line, Monday I attend a training refresher course and begin work thereafter. Welcome back to the wonderful world of medical records!

With financial stability, my mind was at ease and I spent time with my "twin cousin" today (A long, but rather cute story, stemming from childhood.) We shared lunch and sangria of fish bowl proportion and later met downtown to watch a classic movie on the big screen. I adore Ms. Hepburn but had yet to see Funny Face. Although a movie with "pizazz," I still hold Breakfast at Tiffany's in my #1 spot. A fun filled evening, nonetheless. A brisk walk through a gorgeous February evening and time with said cousin and my favorite daughter. All in all, a blessed day.

Delizioso Pasticcino!

In the midst of so much turmoil, I was invited to an amazing dinner at an Italian Restaurant in the Gaslamp District of downtown San Diego, in celebration of my dear cousins birthday. We started with Bruschetta di Asti (Toasted bread topped with chopped tomatoes, basil, fetta cheese); Carpaccio di Manzo all'Albese (Thinly sliced filet mignon with capers and shaved parmesan cheese, served on bed of arugula); and Caprese (Fresh Mozzarella cheese with sliced tomatoes and basil.)

The next course was Capellini ai Tre Crostacei (Angel hair with tiger shrimp, scallops and lobster claws in white wine sauce with leeks and basil.) My date had a lamb shank with asparagus, although I didn't get to sample his, it looked like a massive chunk of deliciosity.

Dessert was a tray of pastries, each in their own way looking amazingly tempting. As a complete shocker, a monstrous size serving of Tiramisu was placed in front of me with a candle. (A private joke between her and I, as I had never tasted this divine dessert) My special day is weeks away, yet she shared her treat with me. I was touched. The only thing that made this evening better was the companions around the table and seeing her glowing with happiness as she stepped out of her horse drawn carriage. A very classy touch from her husband, I must say. All in all, a memorable evening.

 



Misguided Prayers

The last 5 days have been filled with free floating anxiety and the oozing sludge of walking depression.  To back track, during the last several weeks my job has become increasingly stressful day after day.  I have become keenly aware of a cold rotten inertia of fake people and untruthful coworkers.  This all came to a climax on Friday the 13th (of all days) when, after 2 hours of work, I was pulled into the human resources office and put on indefinite suspension, pending an investigation of alleged charges posted against me. Reason stated was "inappropriate communication" the go-to explanation of all things generic. This "explanation" was no explanation at all.  The entire weekend I was detached from the world, wretched with emotion, nausea, and insomnia. I could not fathom what I could possibly have done to deserve this.

At long last, I was called in to tell my "side" of the story. (How one can do this when they don't KNOW the story is beyond me.)  I was stunned to learn I was being accused of sexual harassment by a coworker; one who has bantered with me back and forth for months, who has given me advice, and one that I have mutually shared anecdotes of our children with.  I knew instantly these allegations were completely false and there was something driving him to say these things. I was asked to defend myself from accusations that I was still trying to digest. How could this even be possible? I was in utter shock and could not focus. The investigator was as intimidating as an interrogator at Quantico when he told me I was not being forthcoming... but how can I be forthcoming when I didn't even see it coming? Only last week this "friend" offered to help me with some electrical work at my home! At Christmas he told me that he felt blessed to have a friend in me and that our camaraderie meant a lot to him. Does someone who feels harassed say these things? I think not. I am hurt, depressed and concerned about maintaining employment.  The entire situation is incomprehensible.

However, after much consideration and prayer I have come to a few points of clarity.

1. I know in my heart of hearts I have done nothing intentionally wrong or out of malice.

2. I have the truth on my side. And the Lord.

3.  I realized my instinctual prayers were misguided. I initially prayed for this situation to just go away and for me to return to work. Now I have altered my focus, praying for God to work this out how He sees best. If I am not meant to return to this career path, I ask that He shows me the right direction to follow.

4. I realized the individual that needs to be prayed for is actually my callous accuser. He has made serious untrue allegations against my character and something evil has driven him to do so. I pray that he finds it in himself to realize the error of his ways. Unfortunately, should I return to work, we will no longer be pals. I will no longer share lunch breaks, I can no longer inquire about his family's well-being or ask how his daughter is doing in school. I no longer believe in anyone at work and feel like any kindness may be an ulterior motive for something cynical. 

In closing, I have to learn to trust again.  He has taken my once open, trustful heart and hermetically sealed it with suspicion. So, while I continue to pray for him, I will also pray for myself. I can forgive him for the betrayal and hurt but it will be much harder to forgive him for taking away my innate sense of faith. I pray that God restores my faith in the basic goodness of humankind.

Excedrin Headache #101

I've had a rough 24 hours people. Work has been increasingly stressful closing out end-of-quarter reports and assembling books for the new year. Permits are expiring, generator maintenance has to be conducted and then we found out the sump pump was broken. If you don't know what that means, it's OK... up until 3 months ago, neither did I. But I will tell you this.... if you find out you need a sump pump on a rainy day, you will not be a happy camper. (Especially if you park underground.)

During all this chaos and learning, I've had one guy on my crew who basically cheats the system and does shotty work, when he works at all.  Finally the jig was up for this lazy-bone-jones. He had to meet with human resources and his only source of defense was to accuse me of being prejudice toward the Latino race and stated I treated him unfairly. He accepted no responsibility (even when the documentation was physically laid out in front of him) and only stated that I expected too much from him. He left his keys and badge on the table and walked out, after 12 years of service. I assure you, I hold no racial prejudice against anyone and am one of the most open minded people you will meet.

Although my boss, the human resource director, and even the hospital's CEO recognized the absurdity in this accusation, I feel unsettled at work now. This guy did not show up today, nor did he phone our boss, yet he contacted another coworker and stated he would return tomorrow. It will take every ounce of strength I have to maintain a decorum of professionalism. Suffice it to say, I will be saying an extra prayer tonight for God to bestow on me the fortitude to rise above these turbulent times and recognize the lesson He wants me to learn.